MONTREAL MEANDERINGS

Because a woman can’t live on fashion and accessories alone, early last month I hustled off to Montreal for a couple of days with my cultural travelling companion event-planner extraordinaire (Party) Barbara Hershenhorn to take in the Robert Mapplethorpe exhibit at the Montreal Museum of Fine Arts. And yes, there was wining and dining and shopping involved. We may wear a lot of black but we aren’t nuns with a vow of abstinence. Abstinence is so overrated.

Me and Barbara at the funky Le Bremner resto in Old Montreal. It is so hot and anti-chic that it has no signage outside and is located in a fusty basement. The food is great but they don’t make any adjustments to the menu. No, I could not have the veg selection without chicken skin on top.

Special holiday packaging for Veuve Clicquot champagne, my fave bubbles, in a Montreal liquor store featuring Rome and Dallas, two cities associated with my brother-from-another-mother John “Junior” Maloney. Better pack a tote if you plan to shop for booze in Montreal. You have to buy a bag to lug your purchases.

This is not Jon Stewart on a random billboard in Montreal but sure looked like it to me.

Me at the Mapplethorpe exhibit doing my best Annie Leibovitz impersonation.

Me and super-sweet sales associate Marie Catherine Noël at the Denis Gagnon atelier on Rue Saint-Paul in Old Montreal. For moi, Gagnon is très formidable, the Rick Owens of Canada.

A prohibitively expensive but fantastic Japanese designer jacket at Cahier d Exercices on Rue Saint-Paul which is curated like Dover Street Market in New York, where I can’t afford to shop either. Old Montreal was dead, dead, dead the afternoon we shopped. We were the only people on the street -- it felt as spooky as an old episode of Twilight Zone. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.

This is not a Picasso outtake but another billboard on a Montreal street – you don’t have to go to a museum to see art.

The ceiling at the Ritz Carlton lobby bar where we went for a smart martini references the iconic Palm Court Lounge at the Plaza Hotel in New York.

The aforementioned smart martini at the Ritz Carlton.

This has nothing to do with Montreal but I loved this painting by Colin Stark in the entry of Optical Outlook on Yorkville Ave., where I get all my eye wear.

MERRY MERCHANDIZING

On Christmas Eve, I did the last-dash shopping/errand thing uptown in Yorkville. It wasn’t as crazy busy as expected but it was uncharacteristically warm which accounted for isolated sightings of shorts wearers amid the Santa hats, making for a strange juxtaposition. The shorts were universally worn by men, not unusual because winter is black tights time. I mean really, who has time to shave legs during the holiday season and besides, furry legs constitute another layer of warmth.

Marcus O’Hara has been playing Santa at Roots' flagship Bloor location for years. Event planner “Party” Barbara Hershenhorn, who hopped on his lap for a photo op, jokes that she’s auditioning for the role of elf. Note how the pooch perfectly blends into Santa’s beard.

Shoes.com opened a bricks-and-mortar store on Queen West this month. I checked it out and thought it was meh. Nothing jumped out and begged to follow me home. But I give them credit for amping up the advertising by having a chip wagon offering coffee in front of the shop. Too bad I don’t drink coffee.

The streetcar was taking its own sweet time to come so I nipped into the Kind Exchange thrift shop at Queen and Soho, lured in because of the “50 per cent off sign” in the window. It is a big store, but I concentrated at the front and took a handful of items into the dressing room. I bagged a cool Anne Klein burgundy jacket with fur collar which set me back a measly $12. It wasn’t as cheap as the $1 brand-new Chinoiserie jacket I scored at Missions for Bibles in Owen Sound but what is?  

The H&M ad at the bus shelter in front of Kind Exchange has been bastardized by a flyer pasted over the model’s head. It actually works better that way.

Two yupscale bikers were parked on Bellair St. in front of Rolo, arguably the best funky card and outrageous gift shop in town.

This happening doorman in front of Holt Renfrew rocks a definite Lenny Kravitz vibe. Note the schleppy shopper in shorts beside him.

 The flower shops at Ave. and Dav were doing a blooming business on Christmas Eve. Cut flowers at our house are a crap shoot. Our kitten Sammy Davis Jr. Jr., aka “The Cat That Ruined Christmas,” insists on flower de-arranging.

Amid the sea of black in the subway, this commuter stands out in her Christmassy red and green coat. You go girl.

This little cutie was dolled up in her shimmery holiday finery at Starbucks on Christmas afternoon. Her red earrings were made of flashing lights. How is she going to top herself when she hits adolescence?

Our cat Richard Parker, stoned on catnip on Christmas morning from the green bag in the background. Parker was all over the nip when I brought it home in my gym bag. He’d sniffed it out among my sweaty gym gear.  

CIBO CIAO CHOW

Wednesday night Cibo Wine Bar opened its third Toronto location at 133 Yorkville Ave. with a tasting-menu dinner where the Italian food was washed down with yummy Ripasso. The sautéed mushrooms were especially rhapsodic. OMG! The food just kept coming and we just kept eating. I have a food hangover.

Our genial server was a ringer for a mini Greta Gerwig. And how much did we love the red Chuckies on the wait staff? Rob wore his black ones, just to be more formal.

Major kudos to Nadia Di Donato, creative director of Liberty Entertainment Group, who designed this resto and all of Liberty’s venues since Rosewater Supper Club. The décor is fabulous -- from the industrial light boxes on the banquettes to the cool curtain of wine bottles. Imagine the hours of fun with a curtain of wine bottles!!!

It’s a Traci Melchor sandwich at Cibo. Or should I say a Traci panini? Cibo is Italian after all.  I suck face with Traci while legendary event planner “Party” Barbara Hershenhorn manages to restrain herself.

Here I am toasting Cibo owner Nick Di Donato, president and CEO of Liberty Entertainment Group. Why is this man smiling? Because he gets to go south in winter. He is opening a third Florida Cibo location next month.

Mr. Cibo, Nick Di Donato, catches up with fashionista Suzanne Boyd, editor of Zoomer mag, for whom black is always the new black. 

Patrick Di Donato, executive vice president of Liberty Entertainment Group, talks Blue Jays with elated fans (fresh from the winning game) Tanya and Steve Anthony.

With apologies to Dean Martin, here’s pizza pie in your eye. A Cibo chef flips pizza dough in the kitchen. Ever tried to shoot a pie in the sky? Not easy (as pie.) Sorry, I’ll stop now.

Here I am trying not to look dowdy beside celebrity stylist Cristina Ehrlich whose red-carpet clientele includes Penelope Cruz and Greta Gerwig (see intro above). Ehrlich was in town to deliver styling tips for fall/winter dressing keyed to items available at Marshalls. Her five top trends: pussy- bowed blouses, over-the-knee boots, oversized boyfriend coats, culottes and fringe. Sorry, but I just can’t do the pussy-bowed thing (my cats won't let me).

These are two cool dudes we encountered on the subway en route home from Cibo. They could have been Straight Out of Compton. TTC can be very interesting at night. Getting off the Main Street bus, a passenger who looked somewhat hippie-dippyish, asked the driver to give him extra time to exit because his backpack weighed 200 pounds. I just had to ask him why it weighed 200 pounds. He responded, “Because it is full of lead.” Before I could ask him why he was carrying 200 pounds of lead, he heaved the backpack on his shoulders and scurried away as fast as one can with 200 pounds of lead can scurry.